In Pain and Pleasure… Till Death Do Us Apart

So many years have passed in matrimony and both of us know how many more years we have been together before being man and wife. When we got married we thought we had it all and just nothing could ever creep between us.

Both of us believed that the love we shared meant everything and you always told me that I had what it took to be your wife, and so did I reciprocate that you were the man of my dreams, but I guess we were both wrong. All the promises we made to each other to be cherished forever now no longer remain the same in spirit. What went wrong? Where did it all go wrong cause we I knew you loved me, but times change people don’t you think so?

How I thought we had it all. It used to be good. The love that we had, but when it grew moldy both of us hardly realized it. And remembering the days when it was good the before and the after of you...and of me. Sometimes, we just see it as a self-inflicted unhappiness and at times, we see it as putting so much on our minds to worry about. And yet at times I feel it can't be happening and it is untrue, no not with us. It is hard to break away from this thing called 'LOVE'. Our minds feel cluttered with emotions of doubt and there are times when both of us feel that our dreams are now scattered about. Questions we ask our heart for its eternal needs and somehow it only replies with a skip of a beat.

Deep inside we know that it will unfold only one hidden secret that has been told over and over again and that is what covers our souls like a blanket in the cold. The love that we have found for each other and though we cry, though our body feels weak and old we still come to terms with each other only because of LOVE.

THE LAWS OF PASSION

Just you, you and you.

All over my body and my soul.

Not able to work, you are lingering on my thoughts.

I feel, we should never have got together this way.

So much of passion and so little time.

This craving is torture and real painful.

Unable to sleep through the night

I have been tossing, only thinking of you.

Your lips on mine, your tongue all over me.

Your touch on my body and the lick exploring each inch.

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH that was such a heavenly feeling.

Just didnt want to let go of you.

Yearn for more of you and now this separation really sucks.

Just another time is what I wish.

So entwined that we are in each other's arms,

Sweating it out, moaning, kissing, talking sweet nothings

And making love all over again.

I LOVE YOU, I AM SURE I DO.

TRAVEL OF TRAVAILS

Every day is an ordeal and whenever I make it to the first step with one foot it is an achievement. Once I get make it to the second it is a pleasure and the third it is success. When I get a foot space it is AH THIS FEELS LIKE HOME... and when I get a seat........ my heart tells me YIPPEE I MADE IT TODAY, THIS IS SEVENTH HEAVEN!!!Are you wondering what I am talking about? Well all those who have even the slightest instinct will know that I am talking about the State Road Transport Corporation buses. This is my first experience of travelling to work such a long distance and never did I feel I would be at the mercy of this huge green metal body like an unwilling slave obeying his master.
I leave home at 7.40 am to reach workplace by 9.00 am. It takes me a 20 minute drive to reach the bus terminus at Secunderabad station and having reached the bus bay, my prayer for the day begins - OH LORD (rather say LORD OF THE BUS)HAVE MERCY ON ME,BE ON TIME ATLEAST TODAY. Had I prayed so fervently to GOD everyday I am sure he would have been bountiful with his boons for me. The time is a ticking...... 5 minutes pass, then 10...... no trace of
my BUS LORD and my heart goes a thumping when I see the multitude of humanity swelling at the
bus bay and another prayer, LORD LET THEM GET INTO ANY OTHER BUS, BUT NOT THE ONE THAT I INTEND TO GET IN. You know why I say this - Hey I need to sit, remember.
As time ticks I gaze at the sky, no I am not looking out for stars, but just gazing into infinity, what else do I do? And then all of a sudden there is a commotion and people run helter skelter as if it is a catastrophe they are running away from, or rather running towards.
The LORD has arrived and now the pushing and shoving starts, a scramble to get in first and you have the answer to it... right the seat again, makes me feel like this is a KISSA KURSI KA that everyone looks forward to occupy, whoever told you that it was the political seat is wrong, I bet you gotta see this struggle for the seat.
Hey, today I seem to be lucky, I am the second one behind a very healthy (substitute fat) woman, clinging on to the rod of the entrance to the bus and think after she gets in its me, but the way she pushes her back onto me when she gets in, I lose equilibrium and try to cling on to the rod haplessly. It is then I wonder, why is it that there are so many fat women who commute by bus. I am apolegetic, no malice towards the obese and no personal attack intended, please, forgive me. But just giving you a vent of what my thoughts are at that moment of jeopardy.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH at last, I am here sitting, finally a seat, like I have accomplished
a HERCULEAN task for the day and heave a sigh of relief. But wait a minute, ALL IS NOT WELLI have a bag heavily placed on my shoulder and a tummy resting on my sides, what do I do about
this and there is another ordeal I have to go through on way back home. However, did you forget
that.
Hey this could go on like the K serials of EKTA KAPOOR without an ending, but I better stop here before all of you get me by the noose for having forced you to read this.
RIGHT! RIGHT! TICKET! TICKET!

ETERNAL SLEEP, SO SWEET

Death has always puzzled me. Its very thought creates panic, fear and mixed feelings in many. Has anyone looked at death from close quarters? I never felt death to be a cure, never looked at it as a potion or a remedy for all ills until one day I was exposed to the suffering of someone I so dearly loved as never before. The ring of a telephone call in the middle of the night gets the heart thumping. We wonder if a call at this hour is the one to give bad news. And so it was one phone call, that sent me totally dizzy, a kind of bitter sorrow overcame me and the torment often connected to death. Why should this happen? I cried, of course unable to control my tears, which seemed to be a part of me and as it always happens, when you look back into the person’s life who is now no more with us.
When I did dwell on the thought of how his life was spent, a lonely soul separated from his wife and left to the mercy of the servants to take care of him. His daughters now married and taking care of their own families and then it dawned on me that death doesn't need to be the tormentor of both the surviving and the dying. I was pulled out of my reverie when I realized this. There was actually a peace in me now amidst my tears. There was a special comfort and quietness flowing along with my tears. I found it amazing. It was difficult, of course, to digest the fact that he is not going to be with us anymore, but it wasn’t a bitter departure. It was a journey for this soul into a better place.
Death is the greatest unknown of all; nothing else even comes close. Death is that harsh reality which is faced by every human who lives. We know not how it is because none of our acquaintances who have died come back to tell us about it. Throughout human history, people have refused to accept the finality that death brings to life. Death brings an unacceptable, sudden interruption to one’s work, plans, and relationships. Though we pray that the soul rest in peace we would rather wish to be alive and productive. But the inescapable fact is that we are limited and will die; and this death will definitely come. Each of us at the appointed time will face the grim reality of death and will do so ALONE. And so DEATH for us becomes a THREAT.

Let us try and look at death in a more sublime way. Death even though it is undesirable; even though it provokes horror within us, is, nevertheless, a blessing. An escape from the world of suffering, pain and agony, which is a part of aging or illness. So, when the thought of death starts to darken your world, remember that it is the light that shall illuminate and radiate your path to a destination unknown and by hating or trying to overcome it you are blocking the light that illuminates your path. No, I don’t mean to scare you, that is not my intention. I only want you to conquer your fear of the unknown and embrace it as you would of something DIVINE. Think of death as a shadow actually touching you, and you can have peace.

THE CRAZY FEELING CALLED LOVE

Its amazing this feeling of craving and yearning, the wait, the restlessness, the tossing in the bed. That is the crazy feeling called love. It can make you, it can break you, but what is it exactly?
Lyrics and epics have been written about this emotion and expression by hordes of poets and authors and yet it still remains as something so magnificent a feeling and indescribable so very accurately.

For some love is a feeling that makes the heart rate rise, for others it is a hormone that makes our race survive. For me it is a feeling most sublime and ethereal, a feeling so divine when it touches you it lights up your life. A lovely trick designed by nature to give vent to superfluous words and emotions within you.

But what would you call this experience of falling in love again in the latter half of your life, when you have reached a stage which tells you ALL IS OVER. The butterflies in the stomach when someone looks into your eyes and tells you that they love you. Imagine what magic this could create and what feelings it could evoke. Having fallen in love very young and having experienced it in the teens, that was a different level and world altogether - more of an infatuation, a crush, attraction call it what you may. But now......... it is a sense of maturity, a bonding you know that will not wear out.

In reality, love has just moved on to a new phase, and one wherein you feel at times you have no right to assert on the person you love, cant give in completely and yet feel so close at heart, intermingled into one soul. This is not a temporary madness and we need this madness to keep our spirits and heart young. To feel emotional like you once were, to live the staid part of your life interestingly.

Part of the problem is that these emotions are as complex as a computer manual, very difficult to judge it as right and wrong. But is there anything so good that can substitute for a touch of a hand in hand, caress of the face of the other, tenderness of his presence, her smile? Are these not steps to the discovery of the other as a person in their totality... in a bonding called LOVE, so ENIGMATIC and yet so MAGICAL?

THE LOVE WE SHARE

It is just once in a life time
That you find someone who
Touches not only your heart but also your soul
It is not always that you discover someone
Who can stand beside you in thick and thin
It is not always that you find a soul
Who loves you for who you are
And this is the reason I will be grateful
To know you are in love with me
For love is the only reason that binds both of us
And it is heavenly to love someone so passionate like you
The fact that we are two people
Having one soul in two bodies sharing the same emotions
What more could I WANT?

TALES THE FLOWERS TELL

Oh Almighty! Another new day that you have bestowed
And here I am in front of you with hands held out in prayer
My offering today is just a prayer sans the flowers
Which otherwise adorn your idol daily
Pardon me for this, but let me narrate what caused this.
I went out to the garden to get some flowers
My offering which I make to you without fail every day
But what moved my heart will surely melt yours too,
The jasmine creeper in all its bloom cried out to me thus
“O ye, stop there! We are just a few hours old and yet to taste
The love of our mother completely, Don’t you dare separate us from her!”
And I stopped and moved ahead to the fragrant rose which spake thus:
“You of the benevolent human race, who is known for achievements rare
Born in the land of the Buddha.
Where has all that natural sympathy and humanity vanished?
That you are out here today to mercilessly uproot us and see us wilt.”
Having no heart or the courage to proceed further
I retraced my steps to your abode
With the most humble offer – MY PRAYER knowing well this is ALL THAT I CAN OFFER AND STILL NOT HARM THIS BEAUTIFUL CREATION OF YOURS.